An Honest Letter to Indian Parents
Soul Letter #65
Hello👋 folks, Shubham here.
I am back with another edition of Soul Letter 🗞
In Western culture, it is often portrayed that Indian kids are close to their parents.
Co-existing with them under a single roof is tangible proof of our harmony.
Well, that's as true as people being happy on Instagram.
A friend of mine didn’t go to his hometown during lockdown because according to him his dad considers him a loser.
During the same time, another friend of mine went abroad for higher studies. He said that if he had stayed a day longer at home he and his dad would have had a fallout.
A close loved one once confessed that he doesn’t want his mom to call him daily.
After observing several parent-child relationships, I conclude a good number of them are average or below par.
They are way too formal, lack emotions, and are primarily based on minimal interactions.
So what went wrong?
Here’s my take.
It Was a Bit Too Soon
Most of our parents became parents in their early twenties.
I turned 26 recently and still struggle to find the right pair of socks.
My dad was probably dressing me up when he was 26.
Jokes aside, becoming parents at such a young age didn’t help them.
They were made to explore baby products at a time when they would have been better off exploring themselves.
Lack of Exposure
From books to courses, today we have a plethora of information on parenting.
A simple Google search can yield solutions for any parenting predicament.
However, our parents didn’t grow up in such an information-rich world.
They had only a handful of people to seek advice from.
Additionally back then discussing parenting problems wasn’t a thing( at least not in India)
Their entire knowledge of parenting was based on how they were parented which was average at best.
Most believed parenting only meant providing basic needs like food, shelter, education, and so on.
Society and Hypocrisy
A huge chunk of parents lost the confidence of their children because they chose society over them.
Instead of supporting their kids' decisions( be it studies, career, relationships, job) they preferred to go with the acceptable society standards.
Another factor is hypocrisy, where parents acted all modern and progressive however when the time came they adorned their orthodox cloak.
Kudos to such parents, you got external validation at the cost of your child’s relationship.
Not the Top Priority
Phil Knight dedicated his heart and soul to Nike.
It isn’t hard to comprehend how much effort that took.
However, everything comes at a cost.
Phil was super busy with his work that he couldn’t spend time with his elder son Matthew. This was the reason behind their rocky relationship.
Several times Phil tried to make time for his son but it was in vain.
Disappointed with how much time his dad spent for Nike instead of with him, Matthew pledged he won’t wear a Nike in his life ever again.
Our parents might not have been as busy as Phil but they did have a fair load of responsibilities.
Since they were married at a young age they were still fiddling with career, marriage, family, and several other stuff.
Understandably dedicating time to their kids wasn’t a top priority.
I suspect they didn’t realize the lack of spending time was such a big deal.
Enforcing to Be Grateful
In the book What We Carry, the author tells an incident where she was brushing the hairs of her daughter against her will.
To pacify her daughter’s annoyance our protagonist says,
“You should be glad! Grandma never used to brush my hair.”
But she soon sees the flaw in her logic.
The reason she brushes her daughter’s hair is that as a kid she wanted someone to do it for her.
Growing up we were time and again reminded of our privileges. The sacrifices our parents were making for us.
These constant prompts became annoying after a while and probably somewhat distorted the relationship.
Control Freaks
Lastly, there is a fair share of Indian parents who tried to write the destiny of their kids.
They wanted to rule over every aspect of their child’s life.
Results were more valuable than innocent smiles.
A pat on the back or a hug was as likely as finding an oasis in a desert.
One failure was enough to undo countless achievements.
Things were forced upon the young souls either through violence or emotional molestation.
Yes a few of them may have had noble intentions but their execution failed miserably.
Final Words
A friend once told me that having a rapport with parents is the ultimate flex.
Well for most of us the ultimate flex is highly unlikely however we can still aim for a normal flex.
The pandemic turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it improved many unstable parent-children relationships.
Facing the catastrophe together rekindled our nappig empathy towards each other.
Plus the lockdown allowed us to spend quality time which left both parties with better perspectives.
I hope you fabricate a healthy relationship with your parents where you guys joke around, accept your shortcomings, share major life updates, are supportive, and do the other cool stuff as shown in movies.
Hope you enjoyed this edition.
Signing off for today :) Until next time, Houdoe! 🙋♂️
Previous Soul Letters 🗞
I actually could relate to what everything u said and glad u picked this topic. I myself couldn't actually conclude the reasons behind this but u did it for me. However, i don't expect much improvement in these relationships as old folks continue to be adamant..to assert their will which rarely works with a human. Nevertheless..u keep writing and surprising us brother. 👍👍😉😉