Hello👋 folks, Shubham here.
I am back with another edition of Soul Letter 🗞
Have you ever done anything crazy on an impulse?
I went bald.
One fine morning in August of 2017 during my final year of engineering I got my head shaved.
Being polite my friends didn’t ask upfront but they had theories that a relative of mine might have expired or I took some vow to get a job.
Back then we didn’t video chat much so my family found out fairly late.
Looking back at it now there were several reasons for my whim which will make up today’s newsletter.
Let’s start.
Depression Maybe
I am the perfect product of our flawed education system.
The incident took place during college placements. I was a student of Information Technology branch (very close to Computer Science) destined to be a Software Developer.
On paper, I was an academically bright kid with a CGPA of around 8.5 but writing codes was like a nightmare.
For the past three years, I exploited the cracks of the curriculum mugging up code snippets instead of understanding them.
However, placement was an acid test exposing those cracks.
By the way, I knew I was shit at coding but these assessments made it public.
Getting rejected on a daily basis, and failing to clear round 1 of the companies was dejecting.
Since I was a student from a computer-related branch everyone expected me to do well in these exams.
On top of that, students from non-technical backgrounds were getting software jobs.
It was brutal, I myself didn’t expect things to be this bad.
The ethereal garland of shame hung around my neck got heavier with each failure.
Placements are hard. I think many students experienced what I went through so I am not sure whether it’s right to label it as depression but it was a genuinely low spell.
Maybe the lowest I have ever felt.
Those rejections made me feel I had no control over my life.
And to reassure myself that I still have a hold on my life I decided to do the boldest thing I could imagine which was going bald.
If you guys aren’t aware, going bald isn’t considered an auspicious practice among Hindus as it is usually done when someone passes away. Therefore it is highly discouraged.
By shaving my head I was trying to make a statement to every person who saw me.
The message was, “I am in charge of my life and I will make it through”.
You Are Not Supposed to Do That
Funny the things we are told to restrain from end up becoming the things we most fancy.
Guess what a kid will do when you ask him not to press that red button on the remote.
He presses that very button.
There’s a hidden joy in defiance.
Also, there’s an element of curiosity to know what would exactly happen if we carry out the boo activity.
Since childhood, I had seen going bald being tagged as an undesirable activity which is the very reason it made it to my bucket list.
Sounds childish right?
I know!
Accepting The Inevitable
Everyone wants to look attractive and having good hair does help that cause.
In 2014 during my first year of engineering my hair started thinning.
Now that’s detrimental for anyone hitting their 20s.
In fact, many individuals struggle with premature balding nowadays. It even messes up the mental health of people.
I remember googling girls' opinions on bald men.
Sensing my concerns Google also came up with recommended solutions.
Hair transplants or supplements were something that didn’t seem appealing with all the possible consequences.
I went with the more organic suggestions of eating healthy, exercising, and getting ample sleep.
However, I knew going bald was inevitable. My dad is bald which means it’s in my DNA.
Shaving my head allowed me to make peace with my biggest insecurity.
Final Words
Do you know how effective icebreaker The Bald Move is against girls?
No, me neither :(
Speaking to girls is as terrifying as coding.
Jokes aside, at times in life we take irrational steps to battle our inner demons.
These decisions can either leave you incapacitated or help you discover a new dimension.
I am grateful that I didn’t do anything which I would regret later.
Going bald is at the top of my list of heroics because I never knew I had it in me.
Haven’t tried it again (I live with my family now and they might disown me).
A good number of my friends are also struggling with baldness. The topic comes up every now and again in our conversations.
As of now I adorn decent hair and pray it stays the same for a while (a decade maybe).
One last thing, I did get a decent job. Placements are rough so please prepare thoroughly. And if you ever struggle I am just a message away.
Hope you enjoyed this edition.
Signing off for today :) Until next time, Houdoe! 🙋♂️